What is Collaborative Divorce

Six Benefits of Collaborative Divorce

Amy Wood, Psy.D. Healthy Divorce, Thinking of Divorce, What is Collaborative Divorce

Improves communications: In a Collaborative Divorce, the parties have the opportunity to practice communications in a safe environment. Usually, the trained Collaborative attorneys can keep a conversation under control and prevent the kind of explosive anger that can occur outside the Collaborative setting. As meetings progress, the parties learn how to communicate and listen better. By the end, the parties are often communicating more effectively than they have in years.

Sets a good example for children: Children of all ages have some idea of what their parents are going through. The young sense the tension in the environment, and the older children may know the details of particular issues in dispute. Many have heard horror stories from friends’ parents’ divorces. Younger children of Collaborative Divorce will understand that their parents had a “friendly” divorce, while the older children may know that their parents used a different forum to resolve difficult issues with open and respectful dialogue rather than fighting and court battles. The lessons of collaboration help children of all ages to resolve conflicts in their own lives.

Creative solutions unavailable through traditional litigation: In the context of the Collaborative meetings, parties and their attorneys have the opportunity to learn about each other’s needs and wants directly. This face-to-face interaction invites exploration that can get behind a party’s position. For example, a spouse’s insistence that they “get the house” can lead to a discussion about the reason the spouse has taken that position. If it’s because the house is in a nice neighborhood near good schools, an alternative might be suggested, such as finding a smaller home in an equally nice neighborhood near another good school. Understanding motives can be a great way to find solutions.

Communications unfiltered by attorneys: At a Collaborative meeting, hearing something directly from the horse’s mouth is much more convincing than hearing it from the horse’s lawyer. In addition, direct communication reduces bluffing, replacing negotiating positions and use of scare tactics with honest and productive brainstorming and problem solving.

Master of your destiny: Working collaboratively with your spouse, you control the outcome. In a Collaborative Divorce, the parties are more likely to achieve a solution that is tailored to the parties’ unique circumstances. By playing a more active role in arriving at solutions, the parties have ownership of the outcome. The more ownership and control the parties have over the final settlement agreement, the less likely it is that they will be back to court for violation, contempt, and modification.

No winning or losing: If you’re the type of person who needs to win, Collaborative Divorce may not be for you. Rarely will the parties to a Collaborative Divorce come away feeling as if they’ve won or lost. Participants are more likely to leave the process feeling relieved that they were able to reach a fair agreement that will leave each of them secure in their future. If you don’t have the need to win, and you don’t mind if your spouse doesn’t lose, then Collaborative Divorce may be for you.

About the Contributor | Steven Mogul is a partner with the Bangor law firm Gross, Minsky & Mogul, P.A. His practice consists primarily of representing injured individuals and parties involved in divorce and parental rights matters. Steven has been engaged in Collaborative Divorce since 2011 and has enjoyed the benefits it brings to him and his clients. In addition to his legal practice, Steven currently serves as Vice President of the Bangor Symphony Orchestra and as second Vice President of the Maine Lakes Society. GrossMinsky.com

From Therapist to Coach and Why I Support Collaborative Divorce

Amy Wood, Psy.D. Healthy Divorce, Thinking of Divorce, What is Collaborative Divorce

Maine Collaborative Law Alliance - helping you cope with divorce in MaineYelling, screaming, agonizing, ugly…just some of the words that come to mind when people think about moving forward with a divorce.

But what if I told you instead that the words to describe divorce could be: mutual, working together, respect?

You might think I am crazy but divorce described this way is possible with Collaborative Divorce.

I know as a therapist that divorce is going to be emotionally challenging, but what I also know, as a coach, is that divorce doesn’t have to be hurtful. Collaborative Divorce offers clients the ability to come together in a mutually respectful way and find solutions that work for their family.

One of the best things about Collaborative Divorce is that it is not just a standard cookie cutter approach; it is truly two people working together — not to give each other one more jab, but rather to reach a customized outcome that mutually supports them both.

Acknowledging difficult feelings and discovering what is important — not just to you but also to your soon-to-be ex-spouse — can be hard but also healing. Collaborative Divorce offers the space to leave your current relationship while maintaining dignity and feeling empowered. It offers couples the space to come to mutual agreements regarding all aspects of their ending marriage.

I refer people to the Collaborative Approach because it works. Going to court works too but when was the last time you met a person who left court feeling good about it?

Probably almost never.

Will Collaborative Divorce make you friends with your soon-to-be ex? Maybe not.

Will it leave you feeling worn out and exhausted and angry? No.

Is it my preferred method for clients seeking divorce? Most definitely yes.

About the Contributor | Katelyn Baxter-Musser, LCSW received her MSW from Arizona State University and her BA in psychology with a Minor in criminal justice from American University in Washington D.C. Katelyn has been in private practice in Maine since 2015 and prior to that lived in Arizona where she maintained her private practice and was a supervisor for a local mental health agency. Katelyn is a Certified Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapist and has extensive training in working with individuals, couples, and families who have experienced trauma. Katelyn was trained in Collaborative Law in 2017 and practices both collaborative law coaching and mediation. Katelyn takes a solution-focused approach to help clients identify their needs, find their voice, and develop communication skills to use long after divorce has ended.

 

A Financial Neutral’s View of Collaborative Divorce

Amy Wood, Psy.D. Financial Issues, Thinking of Divorce, What is Collaborative Divorce

With almost twenty-five years of advising clients behind me, and as a veteran of dozens of divorce consulting engagements, I can say unequivocally that a Collaborative Divorce is a better divorce.

I am not saying that a Collaborative Divorce is always better in terms of financial outcome for either or both spouses.

I am not saying that Collaborative Divorce is always faster or easier.

I am not saying that it is always cheaper.

What I am saying is that Collaborative Divorce offers the best potential to leave both parties, their children, their in-laws, and anyone else who cares about them in a better place.

Ending a marriage is at best a delicate thing and obviously can be a horrific experience if not handled well. Collaborative Divorce allows two people who were once in love to tease apart their marriage, taking time to reflect on the experience of their soon-to-be ex-spouse and make decisions that will, at worst, be neutral to the ex-spouse and may, on occasion, actually meet some of the ex-spouse’s most meaningful goals . The process is designed to ensure that each spouse comes out of the divorce as emotionally and financially fit as possible.

Addressing concerns about dividing retirement plans and other financial assets, or determining an appropriate amount for spousal support, can be difficult. The full disclosure required by the Collaborative process and a financial neutral’s analysis, however, may help the couple reach consensus on how best to proceed so that each party feels heard and has confidence that their future is as secure as it can be given their circumstances.

Being able to support two people as they do the work of ending their marriage, in a manner that encourages respect of each other and what’s important to each side feels good. As a financial professional, I feel like I am playing a part in helping both sides move past the marriage and through the work of ending the marriage. When the Collaborative Divorce process is complete, all involved can rest assured that they did their very best to create a win-win outcome that both sides can support and embrace.

JAL photo 2 05292012About the Contributor | John LeMieux, principal and cofounder of Anton LeMieux Financial Group, has been guiding clients through the complex world of financial planning and investing since 1993. He left Merrill Lynch in 2009 with his partner Eric Anton to start the group with the specific vision that their clients would be better served in a more holistic practice focused directly on client needs and advocacy. John’s experiences as an entrepreneur, a financial planner, and investment advisor, as well as a college basketball coach, have combined to give him insight into the needs of the individuals, families, family-owned businesses, and nonprofit organizations that he serves.

He is a Certified Financial PlannerTM professional, a Certified Investment Management AnalystTM and a Certified Divorce Financial AnalystTM; but it is his willingness to address the emotional side of his clients’ financial lives that distinguishes him. John believes that to assist clients with complex financial decision making he must address the multifaceted realities of life that underscores the financial facts. In the process of working to address these realities, alongside the specific goals of each client, he endeavors to add value and build a vision for their personal financial needs. It is his view that each client has their own needs and wants in life and that a unique financial plan is needed to adequately address each client’s situation.

John is a founding member of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance and as a financial neutral has played a lead role in the development of collaborative divorce in Maine.

 

Collaborative Divorce — A Process That Empowers

Amy Wood, Psy.D. Thinking of Divorce, What is Collaborative Divorce , ,

Divorce is never easy, and can often feel overwhelming and forbidding. People who have gone through a litigated divorce have described it as a harrowing experience. They spend large amounts of money, time, and energy on the court process and often are unsatisfied with the outcome.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to litigated divorce that makes the experience of ending a marriage much less painful: Collaborative Divorce.

Most people who use the collaborative process feel that they have reached a fair and equitable resolution at the end. Moreover, parties often find this process to be more empowering than traditional divorce.

Here’s what makes Collaborative Divorce a less stressful divorce option:

Collaborative Divorce begins with each spouse and their lawyer agreeing, via a formal Participation Agreement, that they will resolve all issues in a structured, out-of-court procedure, instead of through court litigation.

The Collaborative Divorce process strives to ensure that each person in the relationship is “heard” and that all of their concerns are addressed in an open and thoughtful manner.

  1. All financial matters, including information regarding income, property, accounts, retirement and all other assets are exchanged transparently. A neutral financial expert can be appointed to ensure that all finances are fully disclosed and equitably distributed.
  2. Collaborative Divorce allows for maintaining confidentiality in the couple’s private life. Instead of depositions, open court hearings, trials and motions, all negotiations are held in private meetings, until a settlement has been reached.
  3. Collaborative Divorce has the goal of helping couples maintain an amicable relationship for better co-parenting after the divorce.
  4. Parties who have gone through the Collaborative Divorce process express less bitterness and emotional pain than those who have gone through a traditional divorce.

If you are contemplating or facing divorce, consider Collaborative Divorce as a less stressful, more private and respectful means of ending your marriage.

About the Contributor | Hesper Schleiderer-Hardy, Esq., is an attorney with Childs, Rundlett, Fifield & Altshuler, LLC. She has devoted her career to representing clients in family matters, estate planning, and probate litigation. Hesper has been serving Maine families as a Guardian ad Litem since 2007, working with children of all ages. She received training as a Collaborative Divorce Attorney in 2008 and is a founding member and Board Member of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance. She is also a member of the Family Law Section of the Maine State Bar Association, a member of the Cumberland County Bar Association and the York County Bar Association, and a Board Member of Maine Odyssey of the Mind. A Maine native, Hesper received her JD from Northeastern University School of Law and her undergraduate degree from Bowdoin College.

 

Things to Keep in Mind to Make Your Collaborative Divorce Successful

Amy Wood, Psy.D. Thinking of Divorce, What is Collaborative Divorce , ,

In October, I attended the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) 17th Annual Networking and Educational Forum. One of the sessions I attended was Inspiration and Ideas for Creating and Sustaining a Remarkable Collaborative Practice presented by Ron Ousky (a collaborative law pioneer) and his paralegal Megan Yates.

The gist of the presentation was that Collaborative Law is a wonderful process that focuses on interests rather than positions — if clients enter into it with a collaborative mindset. The presentation addressed these important questions:

What do clients need to know to embrace Collaborative Law?

How can clients let go of their positions to reach their highest vision?

How can clients see Collaborative Law as an opportunity, rather than a risk?

Here are some of the things I learned that could help you decide if Collaborative Law could work for you and your spouse and, if you proceed with Collaborative Divorce, how to make it as successful as possible:

  • Begin with the end in mind. Think about where you want to finish from the beginning. Visualize what your future looks like after divorce.
  • Always focus on the big picture. Again, keep your goals in mind. Try not to get side-tracked by the small issues. Once you know the big picture, you can deal with the details of how to get there.
  • Be candid about what you can/can’t bring to the experience. What can you and your spouse each contribute to the process to help it succeed? Sometimes we fail because we push ourselves into things we are not ready for. If you’re not ready, that’s okay.
  • Don’t make it about fighting. Arguments don’t change people’s minds. For Collaborative Divorce to be effective, you need to have open, non-defensive discussions with all parties involved, including your spouse and their attorney.
  • Trust your instincts and experience. You know yourself and you know your spouse and what will/won’t work for the two of you. Being realistic about that with your attorney will save time and money and reduce stress.
  • Be clear. Communicate your knowledge and desires to your attorney, so they can help you make decisions that are best for you and your family.
  • Be committed to the process. One of the tenets of Collaborative Law is that if the process is not working there is a requirement of withdrawal by the collaborative attorneys before starting a divorce in court. Your commitment and confidence in your ability to resolve your own case will maximize the possibility of Collaborative Law working for you.
  • Collaborative Law can help families reach amazing outcomes. When deciding whether Collaborative Divorce is right for you, keep the above points in mind. That way you’ll be prepared to bring your best self to the process.

About the Contributor | Jane Clayton is a partner at Vafiades, Brountas & Kominsky, LLP. Jane focuses her practice on all aspects of Family Law including Collaborative Law. Admitted to practice in 1988 both in Maine and before the U.S. District Court, District of Maine, Jane is a member of the Maine State and Penobscot Bar Associations. She is currently a Board Member of Maine Collaborative Law Alliance. She is also a member of the Family Law Section of the Maine State Bar Association. Jane was previously the Chair of the Fee Arbitration Commission, Chair of Fee Arbitration Panel IV, Chair of the Penobscot County Law Library Committee, a member of the State Court Library Committee, a Board Member of Equality Maine Foundation, a Board Member of Bangor Area Visiting Nurses/Hospice of Eastern Maine, a Board Member of Pine Tree Legal Assistance and a Board Member of Maine Association of Mediators.

Jane was born in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, in 1961, and grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Jane earned a B.A. (with high distinction) in Political Science from the University of Maine in 1983. She received her J.D. from the Villanova University School of Law in 1986. She moved to Maine in 1986 and currently lives in Veazie with her wife, dog and cat. In her time away from the office she enjoys creating stained glass panels, photography, movies, reading, and spending time with family and friends.

 

What I Like About Collaborative Divorce: An Attorney’s Perspective

Amy Wood, Psy.D. What is Collaborative Divorce , ,

As an Attorney who represents clients in both Traditional and Collaborative divorce cases, I am fully familiar with the many benefits of the Collaborative process. Here are just some of the reasons why Collaborative Divorce appeals to me:

The parties start on equal footing. In the Collaborative Divorce process, nothing is filed with the court until after the parties have come to an agreement on ALL issues. This process allows all parties to feel that they are heard and empowered. There is no “plaintiff” or “defendant” opposing each other, often drawing out divorce unduly and making it more stressful, as there is with traditional divorce.

Open and transparent sharing of information. In the Collaborative process, the parties agree to free exchange of information. This includes all financial information and negates the need for a formal, and often costly, discovery process.

More negotiations happen at the table between the parties. Everyone wants and deserves to be heard during this highly emotional time. Negotiations in the Collaborative process are primarily done with all parties at the table, which means more creative and workable solutions. And often less negotiation is necessary between the attorneys — and there’s no interference from the Judge pressuring the parties or attorneys between Collaborative sessions.

The parties are encouraged to fully discuss the topics that are important to them. Unencumbered by the Court’s rigid timeline and structure, the Collaborative process lets parties go at their own pace. If the parties feel they need more time to discuss custody issues or financial issues, the process allows and encourages the parties to take that time.

The parties begin with an AGREEMENT. In my opinion, the most important advantage of Collaborative Divorce is that the parties start from a place of agreement, not conflict. They do that by signing a participation agreement, committing themselves to proceed Collaboratively.

To learn more about Collaborative Divorce and how it can work for you, please look through our Collaborative Attorneys and contact one in your area.

unspecifiedAbout the Contributor | Matthew Govan, Esq. a Portland resident since 1999, obtained his law degree from the University of Maine School of Law in 2003 and later obtained his master’s degree in Social Work from the University of Southern Maine at Portland in 2012. He has been a Family Law attorney and a Guardian Ad Litem since 2005 and became active with the Collaborative Divorce process in 2013. He is a founding member and board chair of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance, as well as a member of the Maine State Bar Association and the Maine Guardian Ad Litem Institute.

 

Collaboration Over Debate: The Real Way to Win

Amy Wood, Psy.D. What is Collaborative Divorce , ,

60745163 - presidential candidates donald trump vs hillary clinton cartoon

Amid this particularly adversarial [October 2016] election season, it occurs to me that fighting, though great for TV ratings, rarely accomplishes anything. I’m thinking about the presidential debates, where the more the candidates assert their positions, the more defensive and polarized they become. Fighting to outdo your opponent makes sense in debate because the idea is to prove the validity of one viewpoint over another. But when you bring that kind of aggressive, self-serving stance to personal human disagreements, you usually lose.

The secret to winning in the arena of human conflict is to appreciate that the best fixes come from synthesizing rather than isolating different perspectives. Obama, speaking of politics, is known for solving complex problems by gathering several experts — scientist, economist, historian, etc. — around a table, hearing their varying ideas, and channeling the best of what they offer into a well-rounded solution more potent than what any one of those experts could have created on their own. When you get beyond a “my way or the highway” mentality to embrace rather than reject other opinions, you release yourself from limitation and enter into an enormous playground of possibility.

This process of synthesizing differing approaches into a more powerful outlook is the heart of collaborative divorce. Instead of wasting time and money by bickering endlessly from their own hard-lined mindsets, husband and wife gather with a team of divorce specialists to craft a divorce agreement that is greater than the sum of its parts. At best the couple comes up with creative solutions they never thought possible; at the very least they each end up with solutions they both — not just one of them — can live with.

It’s not exactly easy to put ego aside and consider the perspective of someone you may be angry with or feel betrayed by. The process is less challenging, though, when you throw out questions that work well for debating but get in the way of resolution, such as:

  • How can I beat my opponent?
  • How can I prove that I’m right?
  • How can I show everyone that I am smarter/more deserving/morally superior than my opponent?
  • How can I make this go my way?

Even if you regard your spouse as a complete idiot with whom you have nothing in common, you can reach a mutually palatable divorce settlement by unlocking yourself from a single-minded position. These questions will help you to move beyond guardedness and into the sort of productive, flexible discourse that attracts enlightened answers:

  • What solution is truly best for our children/our mental health?
  • How do I want to feel at the end of my marriage? (Victorious, unencumbered, confident?) Other than getting my own way today, how can I get to those feelings?
  • How would I want to describe my behavior during my divorce to my children/my boss/my students/my favorite mentor?
  • How do I want to remember this process five years from now?
  • How can I behave today to help this process go as smoothly as possible?
  • What might happen today if I let empathy for my spouse, rather than a desire to win/get revenge, guide my actions?
  • How might letting go of the outcome make this process easier/more productive?

The beauty of expansive inquiries like these is that they open up potential for equally expansive solutions. And if you’re still not convinced that yielding is more likely to bring success than digging your heels in, you need ask just one final question:

What remedies might arise were Hillary and Donald to take their gloves off, highlight the strengths they both bring to the ring, and integrate — rather than argue — their brightest ideas into a plan for our country?

Amy Wood, Psy.D. MCLA Founding MemberAbout the Contributor | Psychologist Amy Wood, Psy.D. helps adults to articulate and accomplish their own unique versions of success through psychotherapy, executive coaching, speaking, mediation, and collaborative law coaching. A pragmatic optimist, she is known for her capacity to simplify complexity and see manageable solutions amid the overwhelm of modern life and work. Dr. Wood is the author of the award-winning book Life Your Way: Refresh Your Approach to Success and Breathe Easier in a Fast-paced World, a founding member of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance, and a member of the Maine Association of Mediators. She earned her doctorate from the Adler School of Professional Psychology, graduated from the College of Executive Coaching, and is a certified mediator. Visit her website at amywoodpsyd.com.

 

The Advantages and Pitfalls of a Free Consultation

Amy Wood, Psy.D. What is Collaborative Divorce ,

When contemplating or going through the divorce process, you understandably look for a professional or professionals to provide you with advice, direction and advocacy. If your situation is amicable and relatively simple, you may just want confirmation that you have completed all necessary forms correctly and have not forgotten anything important. Often people come to meet with me to discuss the “what ifs” and learn what they might expect in the way of property and debt distribution or child contact if they decide to proceed with a divorce, whether it is now or in the future. When there are significant trust issues or more complicated property/debt circumstances, you are most likely looking for someone who will not only give you direction but will also protect your interests.

Whatever your unique divorce situation, you definitely want to make sure that any money spent on experts is well spent.

Some of the advantages of a free consultation are that it is your chance to interview a professional, get a feel for how they operate, and determine whether or not they’d be a good fit for you. Depending on the length of the free consultation offered, it may also be an opportunity to get your questions answered. And if your divorce is not complex and you get enough sound advice from that first free meeting, you may be able to move forward on your own.

As the old adage goes, however, “buyer beware, you often get what you pay for.” You should go into any free consultation understanding there may be limits on how much legal advice you will actually receive. That said, I know many very competent attorneys who offer beneficial free consultations.

Before booking your free consultation, consider these questions about potential pitfalls:

  • Will the time allotted for the free consultation be enough to answer all your questions?
  • Will the professional you are meeting with be fully engaged in your consultation if they are not getting paid?
  • If you go over the time for the free consultation, what will the cost be to you?
  • Is the free consultation a “bait and switch” or other kind of hook?
  • And lastly, will you feel comfortable retaining/hiring this professional after just one free albeit brief meeting?

As we frequently discuss on this blog, going through a divorce is a very stressful time — even in the best of circumstances. One way you can reduce stress for yourself is by getting good information over the phone or via email before you schedule a consultation. Because if you know what to expect going in, you are more likely to be satisfied.

If it’s a “free consultation,” these vetting tips will help:

  • Ask how much time is allotted for the free portion of the consultation and clarify how much you will be charged if you go over the time limit.
  • Ask what specifically will be covered during your free consultation.
  • For a paid consultation ask how much time is allotted and what you can expect during this time.
  • If the professional asks for documentation prior to your meeting, that’s a good sign he or she will invest time in getting to know you and your situation before you even walk in the door.
  • If it sounds like you won’t get much from a free consultation, ask what you can expect from a paid consultation. It may turn out that spending a little money at the start will save you a lot of headache and heartache in the end.

For the sake of full disclosure, I do not provide free consultations. My consultation fee is $250. However, I am always happy to take a few minutes, without charge, to discuss the Collaborative Divorce process with anyone who is interested. For those who are interested in learning more about the Collaborative Divorce process, my office provides free copies of the book The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs, and Happier Kids-Without Going to Court.

unspecifiedAbout the Contributor | Matthew Govan, Esq. a Portland resident since 1999, obtained his law degree from the University of Maine School of Law in 2003 and later obtained his master’s degree in Social Work from the University of Southern Maine at Portland in 2012. He has been a Family Law attorney and a Guardian Ad Litem since 2005 and became active with the Collaborative Divorce process in 2013. He is a founding member and board chair of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance, as well as a member of the Maine State Bar Association and the Maine Guardian Ad Litem Institute.

 

Considering Divorce? Here’s How to Make Sure You’re Sure

Amy Wood, Psy.D. What is Collaborative Divorce , , ,

Susan came home one night and told her husband Tom she wanted a separation. He was shocked. 50408867_sSure, there had been some ‘issues’ in their marriage, but wasn’t that normal in a long-term relationship?

Tom approached Susan the next morning and suggested couples therapy, saying “don’t you think you owe it to me to at least try to fix the marriage?”

Tom’s request to dig a little deeper before calling it quits may seem perfectly reasonable — but couples therapy won’t be successful unless both partners are willing to do the work it requires. In fact, further frustration and stress can result if one partner feels pressured into therapy without genuinely believing it can help.

So what’s the solution here? What happens when one spouse is pretty sure they want out and the other wants to see if their marriage can be saved?

Fortunately there is a new option for not-on-the-same-page spouses like Susan and Tom: Discernment Counseling.

Discernment Counseling is a short-term (1- to 5-session) process intended to help a mixed-agenda couple where one person is ‘leaning out’ of the relationship thinking separation/divorce is their only option and the other is ‘leaning in’ and wants to rebuild the marriage. The beauty of this process is that it provides a much needed opportunity to slow down, take a deep breath, explore options, and arrive at a deliberated decision that works for both partners.

Who can benefit from Discernment Counseling?

Discernment Counseling is for couples in a situation where separation and divorce are being considered by one or both partners and there is uncertainty about whether divorce is the best choice for them and their family. It is not appropriate when one person has already made a final decision to leave.

How is Discernment Counseling structured?

The first session is two hours with subsequent sessions lasting ninety minutes. At the end of each session, the couple decides if they’d like to have another session, with a maximum of five sessions. Each in-person session starts and ends with both partners in the room with the counselor, and includes significant one-on-one time for each person alone with the counselor.

What is the difference between Discernment Counseling and couples therapy?

Unlike couples therapy, the goal of Discernment Counseling is not to solve your marital problems but rather to agree on one of three paths that would be best for you and your family.

The three paths are:

  1. Status quo — the marriage as it has been.
  2. Separation/divorce
  3. Couples therapy for six months with an all-out effort to repair the relationship, with divorce temporarily off the table, followed by a decision about the-long term direction of the marriage.Through the Discernment Counseling sessions, clarity is achieved in a non-adversarial, respectful manner. The process removes the stress and momentum people sometimes find themselves swept up in when there is confusion about marital issues and whether or not they are solvable. The goal is for you to gain clarity, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. Discernment Counseling also allows you to learn more about yourself and your partner and how each of you may contribute to the problems and possible solutions surrounding the marriage.To learn more about Discernment Counseling, please go to discernmentcounseling.com or contact me at 207-797-6540, saraflevite@gmail.com, or saralevitecounseling.com.

Sara's Professional Photo JPEGAbout the Contributor | Sara F. Levite, MS, LCPC has been in private practice for over 25 years working with individuals, couples and groups. When working with couples her goal is to help them each feel heard and understood without judgment in an effort to assist each member to communicate with confidence and clarity. In addition to her private practice work, she has been a social worker and Guardian Ad Litem in Massachusetts, has worked as a counselor for the Department of Corrections in Maine, and has extensive experience leading workshops and trainings in Maine, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Florida.