Protecting Your Children During Your Divorce

Of all the issues a person faces during a divorce, the most important and sometimes overlooked is how the children will be affected by the process. Children often need extra attention before and during a divorce. With these basic guidelines, your children can successfully survive your divorce.

Draft a Child Agreement.  This is a plan between you and your co-parent for how you will treat your children during and after your divorce. This Agreement simply reflects your intent and serves as a guide in troubled times. It can be a beacon of reasonableness in the heat of your divorce and after the divorce is final. For example, your Agreement might include the following:

  1. You will not engage in conflict in front of or within earshot of your children.
  2. You will not disparage your co-parent in the presence of or within earshot of your children.
  3. You will always treat your co-parent with respect (even if you think it’s not warranted).
  4. You will not attempt to turn your children against your co-parent.
  5. You will listen and provide physical and emotional support to your children.

Talk with your children.  When getting ready to tell your children that you are getting divorced, try to implement the following:

  • Speak to your children with your co-parent; they need to hear the information from both of you — together.
  • Generalize rather than blame – share only the facts. Let your children know that divorce is the adults’ choice and it was a decision that both parents arrived at together.
  • Let your children know your plans — communicate which parent (if either) is moving out, what the visitation schedule will be, how their lives will be affected, etc.
  • Keep your children updated – there is no need to share divorce documents or details with your children but let them know if/when you will be going to mediation and when the divorce will be finalized.
  • Keep talking – even when the divorce is final, your children will still need information and attention. Be cautious, do not overshare. Your children just want to know that they are loved and will continue to be supported.

Consider providing counseling for your children. Children often benefit by having someone other than a family member to speak to about their situation. More often than not this is a preventative step and establishes a relationship for the child with a trusted adult should an issue arise in the future.

Help your children become resilient.  Resilience is the ability to recover from change, difficulties, misfortune and adversity. You can help your children develop resilience and guide them toward a successful adulthood by making sure they have the following:

  • Your unconditional love
  • Parents who are willing to be parents and who will reach out for help from others
  • The freedom to just be kids –time and space to play, jump, make mistakes, etc. Your children must be free to meet the challenges of childhood and gain a sense of control over their future.
  • Permission to grieve and express their emotions.
  • Rules and boundaries – let your children know what is expected of them. Be consistent and predictable.
  • Both parents – children need both parents. You might have to structure visitation for their safety, but don’t make them choose between parents.

A Collaborative Coach can assist parents before, during and after the divorce to accomplish the above points and help their children survive and thrive.

About the Blogger:

Katelyn Baxter-Musser, LCSW received her MSW from Arizona State University and her BA in psychology with a Minor in criminal justice from American University in Washington D.C. Katelyn has been in private practice in Maine since 2015 and prior to that lived in Arizona where she maintained her private practice and was a supervisor for a local mental health agency. Katelyn is a Certified Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapist and has extensive training in working with individuals, couples, and families who have experienced trauma. Katelyn was trained in Collaborative Law in 2017 and practices both collaborative law coaching and mediation. Katelyn takes a solution-focused approach to help clients identify their needs, find their voice, and develop communication skills to use long after divorce has ended.
 

Six benefits of collaborative divorce

Improves communications: In a Collaborative Divorce, the parties have the opportunity to practice communications in a safe environment.  Usually, the trained Collaborative attorneys can keep a conversation under control and prevent the kind of explosive anger that can occur outside the Collaborative setting.  As meetings progress, the parties learn how to communicate and listen better. By the end, the parties are often communicating more effectively than they have in years.

Sets a good example for children: Children of all ages have some idea of what their parents are going through.  The young sense the tension in the environment, and the older children may know the details of particular issues in dispute.  Many have heard horror stories from friends’ parents’ divorces.  Younger children of Collaborative Divorce will understand that their parents had a “friendly” divorce, while the older children may know that their parents used a different forum to resolve difficult issues with open and respectful dialogue rather than fighting and court battles.  The lessons of collaboration help children of all ages to resolve conflicts in their own lives.

Creative solutions unavailable through traditional litigation: In the context of the Collaborative meetings, parties and their attorneys have the opportunity to learn about each other’s needs and wants directly.  This face-to-face interaction invites exploration that can get behind a party’s position.  For example, a spouse’s insistence that they “get the house” can lead to a discussion about the reason the spouse has taken that position.  If it’s because the house is in a nice neighborhood near good schools, an alternative might be suggested, such as finding a smaller home in an equally nice neighborhood near another good school. Understanding motives can be a great way to find solutions.

Communications unfiltered by attorneys: At a Collaborative meeting, hearing something directly from the horse’s mouth is much more convincing than hearing it from the horse’s lawyer.  In addition, direct communication reduces bluffing, replacing negotiating positions and use of scare tactics with honest and productive brainstorming and problem solving.

Master of your destiny: Working collaboratively with your spouse, you control the outcome. In a Collaborative Divorce, the parties are more likely to achieve a solution that is tailored to the parties’ unique circumstances.  By playing a more active role in arriving at solutions, the parties have ownership of the outcome.  The more ownership and control the parties have over the final settlement agreement, the less likely it is that they will be back to court for violation, contempt, and modification.

No winning or losing: If you’re the type of person who needs to win, Collaborative Divorce may not be for you.  Rarely will the parties to a Collaborative Divorce come away feeling as if they’ve won or lost.  Participants are more likely to leave the process feeling relieved that they were able to reach a fair agreement that will leave each of them secure in their future. If you don’t have the need to win, and you don’t mind if your spouse doesn’t lose, then Collaborative Divorce may be for you.

About the Blogger:  

Steven Mogul is a partner with the Bangor law firm Gross, Minsky & Mogul, P.A.  His practice consists primarily of representing injured individuals and parties involved in divorce and parental rights matters.  Steven has been engaged in Collaborative Divorce since 2011 and has enjoyed the benefits it brings to him and his clients.  In addition to his legal practice, Steven currently serves as Vice President of the Bangor Symphony Orchestra and as 2nd Vice President of the Maine Lakes Society.  www.GrossMinsky.com

 

 

From therapist to coach and why I support Collaborative Divorce

Maine Collaborative Law Alliance - helping you cope with divorce in MaineYelling, screaming, agonizing, ugly…… just some of the words that come to mind when people think about moving forward with a divorce.

But what if I told you instead that the words to describe divorce could be: mutual, working together, respect?

You might think I am crazy but divorce described this way is possible with Collaborative Divorce.

I know as a therapist that divorce is going to be emotionally challenging, but what I also know, as a coach, is that divorce doesn’t have to be hurtful.  Collaborative Divorce offers clients the ability to come together in a mutually respectful way and find solutions that work for their family.

One of the best things about Collaborative Divorce is that it is not just a standard cookie cutter approach; it is truly two people working together — not to give each other one more jab, but rather to reach a customized outcome that mutually supports them both.

Acknowledging difficult feelings and discovering what is important – not just to you but also to your soon-to-be ex-spouse —  can be hard but also healing. Collaborative Divorce offers the space to leave your current relationship while maintaining dignity and feeling empowered. It offers couples the space to come to mutual agreements regarding all aspects of their ending marriage.

I refer people to the Collaborative Approach because it works. Going to court works too but when was the last time you met a person who left court feeling good about it?

Probably almost never.

Will Collaborative Divorce make you friends with your soon-to-be ex? Maybe not.

Will it leave you feeling worn out and exhausted and angry? No.

Is it my preferred method for clients seeking divorce? Most definitely yes.

About the Blogger:

Katelyn Baxter-Musser, LCSW received her MSW from Arizona State University and her BA in psychology with a Minor in criminal justice from American University in Washington D.C. Katelyn has been in private practice in Maine since 2015 and prior to that lived in Arizona where she maintained her private practice and was a supervisor for a local mental health agency. Katelyn is a Certified Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapist and has extensive training in working with individuals, couples, and families who have experienced trauma. Katelyn was trained in Collaborative Law in 2017 and practices both collaborative law coaching and mediation. Katelyn takes a solution-focused approach to help clients identify their needs, find their voice, and develop communication skills to use long after divorce has ended.
 

A financial neutral’s view of collaborative divorce

With almost twenty-five years of advising clients behind me, and as a veteran of dozens of divorce consulting engagements, I can say unequivocally that a Collaborative Divorce is a better divorce.

I am not saying that a Collaborative Divorce is always better in terms of financial outcome for either or both spouses.

I am not saying that Collaborative Divorce is always faster or easier.

I am not saying that it is always cheaper.

What I am saying is that Collaborative Divorce offers the best potential to leave both parties, their children, their in-laws, and anyone else who cares about them in a better place.

Ending a marriage is at best a delicate thing and obviously can be a horrific experience if not handled well. Collaborative Divorce allows two people who were once in love to tease apart their marriage, taking time to reflect on the experience of their soon-to-be ex-spouse and make decisions that will, at worst, be neutral to the ex-spouse and may, on occasion, actually meet some of the ex-spouse’s most meaningful goals . The process is designed to ensure that each spouse comes out of the divorce as emotionally and financially fit as possible.

Addressing concerns about dividing retirement plans and other financial assets, or determining an appropriate amount for spousal support, can be difficult.   The full disclosure required by the Collaborative process and a financial neutral’s analysis, however, may help the couple reach consensus on how best to proceed so that each party feels heard and has confidence that their future is as secure as it can be given their circumstances.

Being able to support two people as they do the work of ending their marriage, in a manner that encourages respect of each other and what’s important to each side feels good.  As a financial professional, I feel like I am playing a part in helping both sides move past the marriage and through the work of ending the marriage. When the Collaborative Divorce process is complete, all involved can rest assured that they did their very best to create a win-win outcome that both sides can support and embrace.

About the Blogger:

JAL photo 2 05292012John, principal and cofounder of Anton LeMieux Financial Group, has been guiding clients through the complex world of financial planning and investing since 1993. He left Merrill Lynch in 2009 with his partner Eric Anton to start the group with the specific vision that their clients would be better served in a more holistic practice focused directly on client needs and advocacy. John’s experiences as an entrepreneur, a financial planner, and investment advisor, as well as a college basketball coach, have combined to give him insight into the needs of the individuals, families, family-owned businesses, and nonprofit organizations that he serves.

He is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNERTM professional, a Certified Investment Management AnalystTM and a Certified Divorce Financial AnalystTM; but it is his willingness to address the emotional side of his clients’ financial lives that distinguishes him. John believes that to assist clients with complex financial decision making he must address the multifaceted realities of life that underscores the financial facts. In the process of working to address these realities, alongside the specific goals of each client, he endeavors to add value and build a vision for their personal financial needs. It is his view that each client has their own needs and wants in life and that a unique financial plan is needed to adequately address each client’s situation.

John is a founding member of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance and as a financial neutral has played a lead role in the development of collaborative divorce in Maine.

 

Collaborative divorce — a process that empowers

Divorce is never easy, and can often feel overwhelming and forbidding.  People who have gone through a litigated divorce have described it as a harrowing experience.  They spend large amounts of money, time, and energy on the court process and often are unsatisfied with the outcome.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to litigated divorce that makes the experience of ending a marriage much less painful:   Collaborative Divorce.

Most people who use the collaborative process feel that they have reached a fair and equitable resolution at the end.  Moreover, parties often find this process to be more empowering than traditional divorce.

Here’s what makes Collaborative Divorce a less stressful divorce option:

Collaborative Divorce begins with each spouse and their lawyer agreeing, via a formal Participation Agreement, that they will resolve all issues in a structured, out-of-court procedure, instead of through court litigation.

The Collaborative Divorce process strives to ensure that each person in the relationship is “heard” and that all of their concerns are addressed in an open and thoughtful manner.

  1. All financial matters, including information regarding income, property, accounts, retirement and all other assets are exchanged transparently. A neutral financial expert can be appointed to ensure that all finances are fully disclosed and equitably distributed.
  2. Collaborative Divorce allows for maintaining confidentiality in the couple’s private life. Instead of depositions, open court hearings, trials and motions, all negotiations are held in private meetings, until a settlement has been reached.
  3. Collaborative Divorce has the goal of helping couples maintain an amicable relationship for better co-parenting after the divorce.
  4. Parties who have gone through the Collaborative Divorce process express less bitterness and emotional pain than those who have gone through a traditional divorce.

If you are contemplating or facing divorce, consider Collaborative Divorce as a less stressful, more private and respectful means of ending your marriage.

About the blogger:

Hesper Schleiderer-Hardy, Esq., is an attorney with Childs, Rundlett, Fifield & Altshuler, LLC. She has devoted her career to representing clients in family matters, estate planning, and probate litigation. Hesper has been serving Maine families as a Guardian ad Litem since 2007, working with children of all ages. She received training as a Collaborative Divorce Attorney in 2008 and is a founding member and Board Member of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance. She is also a member of the Family Law Section of the Maine State Bar Association, a member of the Cumberland County Bar Association and the York County Bar Association, and a Board Member of Maine Odyssey of the Mind. A Maine native, Hesper received her JD from Northeastern University School of Law and her undergraduate degree from Bowdoin College.

Things to keep in mind to make your collaborative divorce successful

In October, I attended the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) 17th Annual Networking and Educational Forum.   One of the sessions I attended was Inspiration and Ideas for Creating and Sustaining a Remarkable Collaborative Practice presented by Ron Ousky (a collaborative law pioneer) and his paralegal Megan  Yates.

The gist of the presentation was that Collaborative Law is a wonderful process that focuses on interests rather than positions — if clients enter into it with a collaborative mindset. The presentation addressed these important questions:

What do clients need to know to embrace Collaborative Law?

How can clients let go of their positions to reach their highest vision?

How can clients see Collaborative Law as an opportunity, rather than a risk?

Here are some of the things I learned that could help you decide if Collaborative Law could work for you and your spouse and, if you proceed with Collaborative Divorce, how to make it as successful as possible:

  • Begin with the end in mind.  Think about where you want to finish from the beginning.                       Visualize what your future looks like after divorce.
  • Always focus on the big picture. Again, keep your goals in mind. Try not to get side-tracked by the small issues.   Once you know the big picture, you can deal with the details of how to get there.
  • Be candid about what you can/can’t bring to the experience.   What can you and your spouse each contribute to the process to help it succeed?  Sometimes we fail because we push ourselves into things we are not ready for.  If you’re not ready, that’s okay.
  • Don’t make it about fighting.  Arguments don’t change people’s minds.  For Collaborative Divorce to be effective,  you need to have open, non-defensive discussions with all parties involved, including your spouse and their attorney.
  • Trust your instincts and experience.  You know yourself and you know your spouse and what will/won’t work for the two of you.  Being realistic about that with your attorney will save time and money and reduce stress.
  • Be clear.  Communicate your knowledge and desires to your attorney, so they can help you make decisions that are best for you and your family.
  • Be committed to the process. One of the tenets of Collaborative Law is that if the process is not working there is a requirement of withdrawal by the collaborative attorneys before starting a divorce in court. Your commitment and confidence in your ability to resolve your own case will maximize the possibility of Collaborative Law working for you.

Collaborative Law can help families reach amazing outcomes.  When deciding whether Collaborative Divorce is right for you, keep the above points in mind.  That way you’ll be prepared to bring your best self to the process.

About the Blogger:

Jane Clayton is a partner at Vafiades, Brountas & Kominsky, LLP. Jane focuses her practice on all aspects of Family Law including Collaborative Law. Admitted to practice in 1988 both in Maine and before the U.S. District Court, District of Maine, Jane is a member of the Maine State and Penobscot Bar Associations. She is currently a Board Member of Maine Collaborative Law Alliance. She is also a member of the Family Law Section of the Maine State Bar Association. Jane was previously the Chair of the Fee Arbitration Commission, Chair of Fee Arbitration Panel IV, Chair of the Penobscot County Law Library Committee, a member of the State Court Library Committee, a Board Member of Equality Maine Foundation, a Board Member of Bangor Area Visiting Nurses/Hospice of Eastern Maine, a Board Member of Pine Tree Legal Assistance and a Board Member of Maine Association of Mediators.

Jane was born in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in 1961, and grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Jane earned a B.A. (with high distinction) in Political Science from the University of Maine in 1983. She received her J.D. from the Villanova University School of Law in 1986. She moved to Maine in 1986 and currently lives in Veazie with her wife, dog and cat. In her time away from the office she enjoys creating stained glass panels, photography, movies, reading, and spending time with family and friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lies we tell ourselves to stay in a bad marriage

The human mind is amazingly enabling. We can use it to justify our behavior, to49191110_s avoid the pain of facing that we’re not doing what we know we should be doing to improve our lives. We’re not perfect and so we don’t have sufficient courage to always act on what we know deep down is good for us.  When we don’t want to face inconvenient truths, we camouflage the nagging pain of not listening to our inner wisdom by overpowering it with superficially convincing rationalizations.

Such as:

I can’t exercise because I’m too busy.

I can’t eat healthfully because it’s too expensive.

I can’t go back to school because I’m too old.

Nobody likes their job; that’s why they call it work.

And so on.

The more a prospective change requires of us, the more likely we are to make excuses to keep that change at bay. And so it makes perfect sense that people in bad marriages find all sorts of reasons to avoid the daunting work of divorce.

Here are some of the most common excuses people give for staying in a bad marriage, along with reasons why it’s easier in the long run to stop making them:

I can’t leave my marriage because it’s not the right time.   Being sensitive to your spouse when you’re planning to divorce is the decent thing to do.  Only an insensitive jerk demands a divorce on their spouse’s birthday, on a momentous holiday or anniversary, or just before their spouse takes a major exam.  The mature thing to do is make your announcement when nothing big is happening.  Because divorce is never fun, there is never a perfect time to bring it up, and you can spend the rest of your life finding reasons why you need to wait.    Eventually, if you want your anxiety to go away, you have to settle on a relatively neutral D-day, take a deep breath, and bite the bullet.

I can’t leave my spouse because they need me.   Ending a marriage is particularly challenging when you perceive your spouse as overly dependent on you – because, after all, what nice person wants to reject someone vulnerable? Two important things to remember here:  1.  You’re actually not being nice by staying with someone out of pity or obligation.  To the contrary, you’re preventing your spouse from moving on, growing, and hopefully meeting the right partner someday.  2.  Staying with someone because they supposedly need you is a handy way of making yourself look strong and thoughtful when you may actually be the needier partner; presenting this façade takes a tremendous amount of energy that could be better spent on facing that your marriage is over and learning to find your own way.

This is just what marriage is like.    When you’re unfulfilled in your marriage and reluctant to go through the pain of divorce, it’s tempting to believe that all marriages are miserable and so there’s no point in going to the trouble of ending it.  You can tell yourself that all couples have terrible problems and act disrespectfully toward each other behind closed doors, and only those too weak to accept that reality get divorced.    You can keep on presenting yourself as tough and devoted by broadcasting your capacity to stay committed to your spouse no matter how awful your marriage gets.  Again, though, it takes lots of  energy to cast yourself as a high and mighty martyr.   Accepting that your unhappy marriage is not the norm and ending it will free you up to find marital harmony in your future.

I’m staying married for my kids.   If you’re a parent, keeping your kids at the forefront when making major life changes is the right thing to do.   But make sure you’re not using supposed parental responsibility as a way to dodge decisions you are afraid to make.   Yes it’s certainly true that children are better off growing up with their biological parents in the same house, but only when those parents are in a thriving partnership.   Kids see right through parents pretending to be happy, and that experience can cause them long-term emotional damage.  If you and your spouse move through divorce in a way that protects your children from antagonism, they are very likely to be stable and secure being co-parented by the two of you in separate homes.

When you get down to it, pretty much every excuse in the book to not get divorced (when you’ve tried everything to save your marriage and you know divorce is the answer) just creates greater turmoil for everyone involved. The longer you sidestep what you know needs to happen, the more you are preventing you and your spouse and kids from having the life opportunities you all deserve.

So be honest with yourself:  are you putting off divorce because you’re not psychologically prepared to handle it?  If so, summon the courage to take action – and you’ll soon find that the anticipation of divorce causes way more dread than getting on with it.

About the Blogger:

Amy Wood, Psy.D. MCLA Founding MemberPsychologist Amy Wood, Psy.D. helps adults to articulate and accomplish their own unique versions of success through psychotherapy, executive coaching, speaking, mediation, and collaborative law coaching.   A pragmatic optimist, she is known for her capacity to simplify complexity and see manageable solutions amid the overwhelm of modern life and work. Dr. Wood is the author of the award-winning book Life Your Way: Refresh Your Approach to Success and Breathe Easier in a Fast-paced World, a founding member of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance, and a member of the Maine Association of Mediators Board of Directors.   She earned her doctorate from the Adler School of Professional Psychology, graduated from the College of Executive Coaching, and is a certified mediator.   Visit her website at amywoodpsyd.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Should you stay or should you go? How to know if divorce is the answer

20504781_sI’m sure you’re familiar with that routine Hollywood movie scene where a married couple is fighting and one spouse – usually the woman – marches into their bedroom and heaves a suitcase from the closet, flings clothes into the suitcase hangers and all, slams it shut, then storms out of the house with it, all the while yelling accusations and threats.

That sort of impulsive exit makes for great drama, but what it usually does in the real world is bring on regret and further complication.   Divorce is a decision best arrived at as a last resort solution – only after ample consideration and soul-searching, and not as a reactive, unexamined escape.

If you’re thinking that maybe your marriage is over and you’re just not sure, that’s a good thing because you’re taking the time to determine whether divorce is worth the trouble. Here are some indicators that divorce is an option that will ultimately make your life better, not worse:

  • Your spouse is a habitual cheater, liar, and/or substance abuser  If your spouse is any of these things, there is no way your marriage can be healthy or happy. Everyone has issues and makes mistakes, and infidelity, dishonesty and addiction can be overcome, but only with a firm and unwavering plan for growth and change. If your partner has promised more than a couple of times to become faithful, stop lying, and/or stop drugging or drinking to excess and not followed through, they most likely will continue on a self-destructive path that will eventually take you down too – no matter what you do to try and stop it.
  • Your spouse is abusing you and/or your kids.   People who physically or mentally hurt other people to get their way are dangerous. It’s that simple. If you are married to someone who even subtly intimidates, manipulates, shames, or attacks to undermine your (or your kids’) confidence and power, you are being abused and you and your children are at serious risk.   Don’t be swayed by the blinding charm that typically follows an abusive incident; that ability to seduce you is all part of keeping you in an insidious controlling cycle that will play over and over, steadily eroding your self-esteem, until you get out.
  • You don’t respect your spouse.   The central ingredient holding a fulfilling marriage together is positive regard between partners. When you are proud of your spouse for their solid character, you feel honored to be with them and you delight in their company. When that respect goes away, maybe because your spouse has taken you for granted for too long, broken too many promises, acted immaturely too much, or adopted ideas or interests you don’t admire, you can no longer believe in or have faith in them as a teammate.
  • You feel relieved when you’re away from your spouse and you dread reuniting. When your marriage is thriving, the home you share with your spouse is a harmonious refuge where you can be comfortable and at peace. Engaging in pastimes away from your spouse is integral to keeping your marriage stimulating, but if you’re finding that you’d rather be at work, with your friends, or even running errands just to avoid being at home, there’s a chance you’ve outgrown your partner. Especially when, even after you’ve taken a long break, you feel queasy as you anticipate being together again.
  • You don’t have enough in common with your spouse. Having everything in common with your spouse is a sure way to bring on marital boredom. When spouses support each other in pursuing their individual interests – the classic example is the husband who watches sports while the wife goes shopping — the marriage becomes richer. What spouses must have in common to make a marriage work, though, is core values and long-term goals. It’s not a big deal if one of you enjoys sports and the other doesn’t, but if you disagree on morality and ethics, parenting, money management and other pivotal issues, it’s not likely that you have a foundation to build on.
  • You are chronically unhappy in your marriage and you’ve tried everything.  The key word here is chronically. Even the best marriages are sometimes really challenging, and so it’s smart to delay your decision to divorce until you’re certain that marital strife has become an unalterable norm. It’s also wise to pull out all the stops to save your marriage so that you don’t worry later that you left too soon.   Have you looked at yourself squarely and taken full responsibility for your part in your marital woes and then done your very best to be adaptable, cooperative, humble, and patient as you work to improve your relationship? If so and you see no improvement, then it’s probably time to call it quits.
  • You just plain want a divorce. Personal reinvention is a major trend in our culture, and so divorce is now considered an acceptable way to make your life more you – even if there aren’t any glaring problems in your marriage.  Your spouse might be a perfectly nice and normal person, and your friends and family might be telling you you’re crazy to want to split up, but at the end of the day the choice is yours.   You don’t have to justify ending your marriage to anyone except yourself.  So after you’ve looked at the facts, examined your choices and weighed the consequences, give your intuition final say over expert opinions.

About the Blogger:

Amy Wood, Psy.D. MCLA Founding MemberPsychologist Amy Wood, Psy.D. helps adults to articulate and accomplish their own unique versions of success through psychotherapy, executive coaching, speaking, mediation, and collaborative law coaching.   A pragmatic optimist, she is known for her capacity to simplify complexity and see manageable solutions amid the overwhelm of modern life and work. Dr. Wood is the author of the award-winning book Life Your Way: Refresh Your Approach to Success and Breathe Easier in a Fast-paced World, a founding member of the Maine Collaborative Law Alliance, and a member of the Maine Association of Mediators Board of Directors.   She earned her doctorate from the Adler School of Professional Psychology, graduated from the College of Executive Coaching, and is a certified mediator.   Visit her website at amywoodpsyd.com.